Asuka Hits her Thumb with a Hammer

An Evangelion Spamfic
Written by Michael "Brazil" Borgwardt

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In a room somewhere in Tokyo-3, a red haired girl was hammering a
nail into the wall.

Lying next to her on her bed was a picture, a replica of van Gogh's
"Sunflowers". It was one of Asuka's favourite paintings, one that had
occupied a special place in her room back in Germany. However, it had
somehow gotten lost when she'd moved to Japan. This afternoon, she'd
finally found a replacement and a fitting frame in one of Tokyo-3's
shopping malls.

Asuka drove the nail into the wall with regular blows of the hammer,
careful at first, then with increasing force. However, the fifth blow
was considerably off target. The hammer slipped off the nail's head
and hit her left thumb with almost unreduced momentum.

"AAAAAARGH! SCHEISSE!! VERDAMMTER MIST!!! Aua, das tut weh!"

Seconds later, the door flew open, and Shinji stormed into the room.

"Asuka, what is it? Did-"

"What does it *look* like, Dummkopf? I hit my thumb, that's what
 happened!"

"Um. Then maybe you should put some ice on it or something..."

"Yes, so get out of my way, Armleuchter!"

With these words, the girl pushed him aside roughly and left due
fridge. Shinji stod where she'd pushed him and didn't move for a
second. Then he slowly and deliberately produced a notebook and a
pencil.

"Aa-mu-ro-hi-ta" he mumbled. That was a new one. He'd have to look
it up.

------------------------------

<author steps on soapbox>

This fanfiction is the result of having read one EVA fic too many
that was sprinkled with incorrect German swear words delivered by
Asuka. I simply *had* to provide a counterexample.

So, fanfic authors please remember: It's perfectly fine to use foreign
words (Japanese, German, whatever) to give your fics an authentic
flavor, but *please* try to get them *right*! Be as thorough as Shinji:
do research! Looking at other fafics does *not* count, you just
perpetrate errors that way. It´s not a surprise that entire *sentences*
in other languages that appear in fanfics are usually correct; either
the author knows that language well enough or they asked someone.
So why be less thorough with single words?

So, here's a small guide to German swear words:

Dummkopf    : Idiot, doofus, numbskull, etc. Actually not used very
              often. "Idiot" is more common.

Scheiße     : Shit. The "ß" (sharp s) is not in 7 bit ASCII and can
              cause all sorts of problems in emails and on Usenet,
              so it's better to use "ss" instead. I really, *really*
              wonder why half of the Eva fanfic author misspell it
              so badly ("Shiest").

Verdammt    : Damn, damned. Here, it´s used before a male noun and
              therefore it´s declined to "verdammter".

Mist        : Dung. Not as offensive as "Scheiße" when used as swear
              word.

Armleuchter : See "Dummkopf".

Arschloch   : Asshole. Probably the most frequently German insult.


Also, note that in German, *all* nouns are capitalized.

To check single German words, you can also use this website:
http://search.tu-clausthal.de/WebTrans/

<author steps off soapbox>

If you have any comments or questions, feel free to contact me.
 
brazzy {at} gmail {dot} com
http://fanfiction.brazils-animeland.de/